The Challenge...Lesson 7

Respect yourself enough to stand up for yourself; your feelings, concerns, and opinions and ask for what you want. Also, learn how to say “no” without feeling guilty
THH
Posts: 860
Joined: Mon May 10, 2010 10:53 am

Post by THH » Sat Oct 30, 2010 3:06 pm

Hope,
I am 52, last year I had a dnc and ablation. I had prolonged periods. It took care of them, no periods. I still have hot flashes, I am not on any meds. for them. I still have hormone imbalances from time to time. I sometimes have the night sweats and wake up wide awake too. I think it will settle down, all my Drs. say it will. I am a person who has always been anxious, and a negative thinker. I still think some of this is hormonal. I remember as a teenager feeling anxious, no one ever called it a real problem, though. They would say you have growing pains! That was the old term...growing pains! LOL...
They may be right? We are growing, and one thing I know is everything changes. So why not wrap our arms around these changes and hope for something positive, rather then say our best years are behind us. Maybe just maybe there are just as good ahead.
I think this time of life 45-55 is a reflection. We do need to look at our lives and let go of the things we can't any longer use. But the big thing is keep going, find new interest, learn new things, go new places. Keep involved with life.
These are things I see in my own life anyway. I working at home, have isolated myself from so many things, not on purpose of coarse. I didn't allow myself the importunity to grow. Then I tried things and had panic. Then I dwelled and put myself down, when I got sick or had a health problem, I would get fixed on it and worry.
I'm working on all of it, and feel so much better, but I need to keep on working it as all these bad thinking habits are still hanging around. I have to make the choice all the time to stay the coarse. ;)
I'm glad your working it too. A little bit every day...Thats what we do! Good job! ;)

THH
Posts: 860
Joined: Mon May 10, 2010 10:53 am

Post by THH » Sat Oct 30, 2010 3:32 pm

Mike,
Okay, my question to the judge is, What was terrible about it? My song that I picked, or in your opinion do you think I should not sing?
That was hard!LOL...
Putting things into words is very challenging to me for some reason. I guess I just react. Not giving a label to where my thoughts are. ( like angry, what do I want to say, )
It takes focus, and thought. I guess I lack in these areas. Maybe that is why I like this forum as I have to do both in order to write a post. To get a notebook and write, seams boring to me. I like the interaction with other people who enjoy thinking as well.

I also feel more comfort knowing that others feel like I do at times. I like what the girls talked about, what is normal? For all of us anxiety is normal. We now know what it is and how we can change it or at least keep it a lower level.

I liked the song in the video. I got to see this one! Yey!

We went to dinner with another couple tonight, had a wonderful meal! I was a little nervous as we don't know these people very well. They live down the road from us. They picked the place, and I was thinking I hope I can find something I like there. We have never eaten there. I thought, I hope the food is safe, some places I have not felt well after eating there, and I usually never go back. Well surprising as it was, it was very good, and I feel like I had good food! Great over all experience!
Have a good night! :D

mcshope
Posts: 259
Joined: Thu Jul 22, 2010 9:02 am

Post by mcshope » Sat Oct 30, 2010 3:44 pm

THH

I am really happy of not having periods anymore. I was never able to have kids, and I did have a lot of pain every month, for once I am happy that there are no more periods, no more mood swings, no more crying for no reason. I bet my husband is also happy about it. After the surgery my Dr. put me on some hormones, part to protect my heart and part for the anxiety. I would like to stop taking that many pills, however I know that I need some of them.

To me life is a constant growing process and I like to have people around that enjoy learning and growing.
This time has been a time to take care of myself, I guess I had been running for too long and not paying attention to myself. Yes, sometimes I feel frustrated for not being working, you know, the guilt trip. But I really feel that this is my time to take care of myself. Even time to plan for the future, what would I like to do.

I am so happy to have people to share this process with. My husband and my family not always understand the process, but here I know that everybody understands and we all are working on similar goals.

One day at a time... that is all we can do :)
"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, it empties today of its strength." – Unknown

THH
Posts: 860
Joined: Mon May 10, 2010 10:53 am

Post by THH » Sat Oct 30, 2010 3:56 pm

Hope,
Oh me too. I'm tired of all that. I never had kids either. I think I am almost through it so I'm going to stick it out with out hormones. If it don't settle down by spring I may inquire though. I'm better with my moods, but the hot flashes just started up again, for the last month.
They went away all summer and thought I was free! LOL... I was going to have a party! LOL...

Good for you on taking care of your self! You do need to do this for yourself, it will pay you and everyone around you in a million ways. I had trouble after I quit my job too. I felt like I did not deserve to be home. Some people don't want to be home, I grew up on a farm so I liked being home. Always something to do. You will get more comfortable with it and who knows maybe you will like it better than going out to work!

Hey, I found a link to a web site that has all the oils and the necklace I was telling you about. The one I hae is just a glass bottle, with a cork top, and a few beads around it. I like the aroma therapy, I'm glad you are giving it a try too.
http://www.naturesgift.com/aromatherapyjewelry.htm

Karen L
Posts: 181
Joined: Tue Sep 14, 2010 11:09 pm

Post by Karen L » Sat Oct 30, 2010 5:12 pm

I am on the road to recovery. There will be obstacles, but I am moving in the right direction. I must feel the discomfort to know it will not hurt me.


long good day and Im exhausted in a good way :)
spent 3 hours raking leaves and yard work, washed down bathroom walls (Ive been avoiding that for about 2 weeks now lol), carved pumpkins with the girls, and went for a drive...

minimal anxiety today :)
didnt drive too long this evening as I was already so tired...need to start driving earlier....

did just alot of thinking today...thought about my ex and the way he used to treat me....funny how I was talking to him assertively just in my mind...that I did not like the way he treated me...that I refuse to let someone treat me terrible again....that I am a special person that deserves to be treated with love and respect...all was good...I notice that even though I do still think about him, I think Im really ready and starting to let go :) guess Im finally starting to see my value as a person :) maybe this is the beginning of some positive self-esteem :)


Mike


I do need to remember the "so, what-if"...that is actually a very powerful saying for me...

I still have alot of work to do on the "angry tone" assertiveness lol....that tone kind of defeats the purpose of being assertive....

as far as my response to the "I cant sing" and we dont have time to discuss it, then I would just respond "thanks for your opinion"....and then let it go.....

excellent choice of video :)

have fun at your parties!!! what did you dress as??


Hope

I really liked your wording when you were addressing Mike about "adapting to the changes"....that might be a good positive saying for me...I cant control change and I may not even like it, but I can adapt :)

patience is so difficult for me, but I am working on it.....I try to remind myself that having patience is a good thing....that it gives me a break from the busy world to enjoy the little things....

I receive disability...which is difficult as I had to learn to get by on about 1/3 of what I was making, but I have adjusted and am doing ok now...and I also know that this is only temporary...although I am not in a hurry to go back to work....it kinda just works for me right now.....there are pros and cons....but right now I am working on me and am home with the kids when they need me....and this is what I need right now :)

that was another reason it was hard to depart from my ex, the extra income he brought.....but I realize that extra income was not worth the damage it did to me....

you really should apply for disability since you are not working...you are entitled to it....and it actually is a pretty long waiting process...6 months from application til your first check...also, they allow you to work minimal hours and still collect so you can slowly get your feet back in the water...in my opinion, its just good to apply, you never know what the future holds..

funny that I spend alot of time alone because I was always a social person...I loved having friends and just laughing....I do need to start interacting more with others...I have looked up some local groups, so Im headed in the right direction :)

I would have definitely opted for the surgery in your postion...I cant imagine how much pain you were in...and when it comes to something like that it is almost a medical necessity.... heck, I would love to just get rid of my uterus now lol....
and I will try the lime juice, thanks :)

you are so right about the medical field...we are looked up to and almost expected to have everything under control....I fought with my anxiety so bad daily the last 3 months I worked....I was so afraid of co-workers and patients seeing me out of control....

I guess I was always an anxious person, but I was so active when I was younger I just didnt see it.....I just used up all that extra energy......

thanks for the words of encouragement :)
I often forget how much my kids and grandson really do love me :)


THH

I really love that video...I havent watched it in months and it was so nice to just sit back and watch it :)

thats great that you went out to dinner :)
so, did you end up liking the couple you went with?? that is so cool that you just decided to get together with people down the road :) I really need to start looking for people in my neighborhood that could turn into friendships...and you did all that even though you had some anxiety :) Im glad, sounds like you had a great time :)

well, have a great night everyone.....I dont know how it gets so late so fast :)

NinjaFrodo
Posts: 1263
Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am

Post by NinjaFrodo » Mon Nov 01, 2010 5:19 am

mcshope;

Thats a good point, I have changed alot in the 6 years.

That must be really hard for you with those hormone changes.

I only feel like that just because you have trainning and so you are likely to have more knowledge then I would but your right we all have experiences to share.

Thats a decent response.

The weekend was pretty fun thank you.


Karen L;

that was such a cute video they made you.

Good realization with your X. You're making big accomplishments.

ya the angry tone really does wreck the assertive words. Its a challenge to overcome.

good way to handle the 2nd response.

Thank you, christina aguleria has some good videos.

The parties were really fun. I was an anime character who just happens to be a ninja.


Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087

You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog

http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/

NinjaFrodo
Posts: 1263
Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am

Post by NinjaFrodo » Mon Nov 01, 2010 5:27 am

THH;

Putting things into words is challenging? I never would have guessed that since you seem to be good at it from the posts. I'm alright with it when posting myself but in person it is alot harder.

The response you get after the singing would be "The whole thing was just terrible"

Would you like doing that role playing thing? We can make a new thread and do our practice there. It'll be lots of fun and very helpful.

Yay, ya I'm not sure why they restricted that other video when they don't restrict too many of them. I'm also assuming that video was even shot in the states.

Great i'm glad you have a good night.


Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087

You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog

http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/

NinjaFrodo
Posts: 1263
Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am

Post by NinjaFrodo » Mon Nov 01, 2010 5:47 am

My ideas, opinions, feelings and needs matter. I deserve respect and I deserve to stand up for myself. When I'm assertive it doesn't matter how the other person responds because I'm doing it for myself and not for them. No matter what response I get, I will continue to stick to my guns.

Sataurday;

Had 2 parties planned and went to both of them and I was dressed up as an anime ninja. The one I was invited to was at the same place as my friend's bday party I talked about and I was invited by someone else. I didn't think he'd realize that I was coming and I obsessed about how he was going to sound dissapointed that I came and how negative he would be and that actually didn't happen he seemed suprised and excited that I showed up. I got to talking with a few people there and 1 guy showed up that I met 5 years ago but didn't keep too much in contact with and the last time I met him I just got the impression that he wasn't really interested in talking or hanging out and he was just trying to be nice. Nothing new there, still feel that same way. Oh and I ended up making out with someone at the party too, that was fun.

On the way to the 2nd party I had already drank a whole bottle of malibu and was definately feeling drunk. I called another friend on the phone and I started the conversation off all silly like and some random guy around me was trying to make fun of me. I can't remember what he said but he was trying to be all mean and nasty and I just ignored him and kept talking the way I was when I started the conversation. I think he may have kept trying but i'm not quite sure because my focus was mainly on the phone conversation. It was intresting thought because it just proves even more that it isn't what another person says that makes me upset but how I think about what the person says. I didn't feel bad in the slightest when he did that. Hmm I think that disarming technique would definately come in handy weather I'm responding to those negative people or if I am replacing thoughts myself.


Sunday;

Went out to church street (they close off several blocks on that street for halloween so people can walk along it and show their costumes) with some friends and our costumes. We had alot of fun, took lots of pictures and even had some video footage which I can send you guys the link to in PMs because well one of the costumes is a little more adult like. Thinking back to the year before's halloween, I didn't really feel comfortable last year. I was feeling really really bad about myself, lonely, depressed and worthless. I didn't feel important or cared about at all last year, nobody wanted to take a picture of me in my costume. This year I still felt some negativity but not near as much, I had alot more laughs and alot more fun. A few people asked me for my picture so that was pretty cool but most people were taking pictures of my other friend and his costume. This was the best halloween to date :)

I've slacked on things big time this past week! I've barely listened to the relaxation cd or lesson cds and haven't really done the action assignments either and I'm getting those doom like feelings again and I'm still finding that i'm fearing the anxiety like its going to keep going on forever. I guess I'm in a down period again, I don't like it.



Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087

You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog

http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/

NinjaFrodo
Posts: 1263
Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am

Post by NinjaFrodo » Mon Nov 01, 2010 7:00 am

Here is the link to the new thread

The Challenge...Lesson 8


Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087

You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog

http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/

THH
Posts: 860
Joined: Mon May 10, 2010 10:53 am

Post by THH » Mon Nov 01, 2010 1:35 pm

Mike,
The response you get after the singing would be "The whole thing was just terrible"

I would just say ok, thanks. AND GET OUT OF THERE! Stupid judge anyhow! LOL...

Sure, I don't have anything pressing at the moment, but I'm sure that will change! Ha. I'll play along though, just tell me where you want to do this?

FYI. I seen a thing on TV this past weekend, about a guy who is a expert in dreams and sleep. He claims, nightmares - when your awake re do your dream and say and do the things you want to say or do and they will stop coming!?
I know you have had lots of them, so give it a try?

Sounds like a fun Halloween! And did well with all your challenges! YEY! Here's to many more! ;)

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