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hyper aware of time and life ??
Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2012 1:46 am
I have been dealing with chronic anxiety the last 3 months, and always obsessing about something. The last 2 months I have had an obsessive thought of how I dislike the process of time. I have this strange thought/emotion at all times. Every time I look forward to something I catch myself and analyze why I even look forward to things. Why should I look forward to a fleeting moment? Life doesn't seem to have any importance, because its nothing but a million fleeting moments, that are nothing but faint memories if even that. When I think about moments only being temporary, the pain I experience I feel is like someone died, its unbairable. I can't stand this feeling, but I feel like there's no way I could see life any differently. Its like asking me to believe that the color blue is really not that color, or to believe that 1 + 1 doesn't equal 2. I hate the way that time works, but it makes no sense as to why I would dislike it when I've never experienced anything but this life and how it works. I feel like no one understands me, in fact I'm not sure I understand my own thoughts. Has anyone felt this way about life? Being hyper aware? I need hope that even though this thought is my whole life, and has made me feel like life isn't worth living, that I will be able to get over this, and find enjoyment and thrive in the process of life. I just can't see myself finding importance in life again. Help!
Re: hyper aware of time and life ??
Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 6:23 pm
It sounds like this is an obsessive scary thought that your brain wants to use to distract you from something else. It would be like me telling you that I am obsessive about my mom dying. You would probably say, "Just live life! Relax and enjoy the time that you have with your mom rather than worrying about it." Lucinda teaches in lesson 10 that our obsessive scary thoughts are just our mind's way of trying to distract ourselves from something that we just DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH. Therefore, we need to jump out of the circle and put up the STOP sign and focus on something else.
With OCD or obsessive thinking, your mind is stuck in an addictive pattern of playing with these anxious, scary thoughts. Some of it is biochemical - What are you eating? Are you exercising? Are you getting to sleep at a decent hour? Some of it is spiritual - Are you praying? Are you asking God to guide you and direct you? Are you turning the thoughts over to His care? Some of it is just what you are telling yourself - Are you telling yourself that it's normal to look forward to things? That it's healthy to enjoy life and the "precious present moment"? Are you telling yourself that you are going to feel better the more you focus on the RIGHT NOW rather than "what-ifs"?
I have never had this particular obsessive thought, but I can relate to the feeling that the scary thought is true. For example, I could focus on the fact that my mom is going to die someday (similar to your obsession about time being fleeting). I could make myself so depressed just by focusing on the fact that one day I will have to live without her. OR, I could take a step back and fill myself with POSITIVE thoughts about my mom and the time that I have with her. I could tell myself that I am going to make the most of every opportunity and just enjoy my time with her. I would encourage you to do the same with your scary thought. We need to take a step back, jump out of the circulur thought pattern, and put up the STOP sign a thousand times, before we can clearly see the irrationality of the thought. How silly and unimportant to the whole scheme of life it is. It won't mean anything to you anymore the more that you fill yourself with positive thoughts, surround yourself with positive people, and focus on what you can do to FEEL BETTER.
If you are spiritual at all, I would encourage you to imagine yourself placing this thought in God's hands. Even reach your hands out and picture God reaching down to you as you place the thoughts in His loving hands. Then ask Him to show You His love and His direction for your life. Do this as many times as it takes until you can let the thought GO.
"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:33-34. Allow yourself to be in the "precious present moment."
Blessings and I'll be praying for you!
Re: hyper aware of time and life ??
Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 1:57 pm
As author, Eckart Tolle, would point out..."The only moment that you have is Now. " When the future arrives...it will be now. The past is done with and the future brings anxiety. Try living for this moment. If you are worried about the future or being happy in the future, ask yourself, why can't you find meaning at this very moment instead of looking "forward".
Jesus points out in the Gospels that we should not have thought for tomorrow since tomorrow will sort itself out when it comes. Find meaning in life at this moment. What do you like to do ? Do you have any sort of hobby or skill that you enjoy ? You may not be alive a year from now, so enjoy this moment and use this moment as a worship to God. You have very little control over what happens to you tomorrow. Give up the control to be happy every fleeting moment and find joy in this moment.
If you have a spiritual faith and you believe in a higher power, know that your creator is outside of time. His or her or its being is eternal and your relationship with God will utimately bring you joy and wholeness. This life on earth is not our eternal home. Ask God to help you find joy and peace serving others. Start with your yourself. Be kind and compassionate towards yourself. No one has this life completely figured out. Be thankful for each meal you have or a bed to rest. God is with you every second and He holds your existence together. That is a joy that is not fleeting but everlasting. God bless you my friend.