Suffering from OCD? Post your history, experience, comments and/or suggestions
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Post by AmandaJo26 » Sat Nov 30, 2013 9:20 pm

I'm hoping I'm not the only one, and someone somewhere out there can help me through this. I've been dealing with panic attacks/OCD for YEARS! I'm a lot better now than what I used to be. Thank you, God! What I'm dealing with right now is being just fine when the sun is out, but going into panic mode when it's dark outside. I go from bright and sunny to depressed, lonely, terrified, dark obsessive thoughts in a matter of an hour or two, and all because it's dark outside! I tend to feel like that is when something bad will happen. I'll get sick, have a heart attack, someone I love will die, and so on. I feel trapped, like I can't leave because it's dark. This could be because I used to have many, many panic attacks and almost always at night. Perhaps I see that fear again at night? How can I enjoy my nights again!?

Also, anyone extra sensitive? My husband telling me he loves me has me crying my eyes out! (happy tears) I feel things stronger than I ever have before. Things that I wouldn't normally cry about, I'm balling my eyes out over! It's actually a little funny how much I try and at what! My husband wonders where I keep coming up with these tears!? LOL! ;)

I feel like my mind doesn't want me to be truly happy. It's like I need to punish myself for whatever I feel I might have done wrong in my life. I started running, and lost 25 pounds. I eat great, exercise, and I feel better, younger, healthier than I did in my 20's! (I'm now 31) However, I started having heart palps, and it's making me question EVERYTHING! Am I dying? Is exercise the problem? Should I stop running? All the good things I'm doing is SCARING me now, when I used to enjoy them! How exhausting this is! ;(

I refuse to see the Doctor, because I run to him for EVERYTHING. I run to EVERYONE to tell me I'm okay. I've read up on heart palps. I have no other symptoms that would be cause for concern. This sounds to me like anxiety is AGAIN the reason for my unhappiness. However, this also has me obsessing, "Should I be stupid and not see the Doc, what if something IS wrong?!"

I just don't know anymore. Someone.. Help... Me... Please!

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Re: Help..

Post by bradley1960 » Sun Dec 01, 2013 2:04 pm

Amanda, no one can advise you if you need to see your doctor or not, as well as your doctor. He has your history. Call him and ask that question. As far as your fear of darkness, we only overcome fears by facing them. Take baby steps and never underestimate the power of small incremental changes over time. I am not qualified to advise you on those steps, but here is a suggestion you can check out with a qualified councilor. Before dark go out on your porch with your husband and discuss things that make you happy (fond memories of fun things, hobbies, family you love dearly, great vacations etc.). Then once back inside discuss all the fears you had that didn't happen. Each night venture longer and/or further away, always discussing fears that didn't come true. Also a book that really helped me is Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz M.D.,F.I.C.S. It is available from Simon & Schuster.

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Re: Help..

Post by dexilexi » Sun Dec 01, 2013 3:51 pm


I know exactly how you feel about night. I hate nights. Especially during the long winter months. So many hours before it's daylight again. I think I need a night job to occupy my mind. I start feeling anxious as soon as it starts to get dark.

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Re: Help..

Post by Mickey83 » Wed Apr 02, 2014 8:32 am

Actually, I used to suffer from this but I have an issue more with the weather change (winter to Spring time change esp.). I am actually just the opposite, when the sun is out, that means more people, more activities occurring, more everything taking place. Worse part is that I started having this issue about 4 years ago where I would stay inside until about 7:00, if I didn't have to go out. I realized it was kind of silly and decided to fight it completely. I forced myself to start walking outside, going to stores, etc. Eventually it went away. I would guess that this would be a similar tactic. I notice though, since that time of year is coming, I am having some of those feelings and I still look up at the blazing blue sky and for some reason the way that I perceive the light and sky with my eyes (because I see floaters and the molecules in my eye move just because of my heightened nervous system), think I can rate my anxiety. I know 100% that this is irrational but I would definitely feel better if I could just always see the sky as normal as it used to be, probably should move to California or something. LOL.

Nevertheless, when I was, for lack of a better term, afraid of the dark, I did some of the same things but eventually I just decided to ignore these feelings and focus on doing something else. In-door hobbies helped, going to the movies, and visiting friends seem to distract me enough from these sensations and pushed me to realize that they are not needed, nor in fact real. I guess persistence is key. As for the depression part, just understand that what you are feeling is not you unless you allow the emotions to win. I know it's hard to believe and I have a hard time doing this as well. But, if it's dark, your body is trying to set you up to go to sleep, if you can alter your thinking toward instead of it being depression and turn it to your body wants to relax this may help a bit too. So, my ideas for home remedies, take a warm/hot shower, have chamomile tea/warm milk, watch something funny, and try to get into sleep mode. If it is to early for you to do this, find a distracting hobby that will take your mind off of everything and get you through it, eventually your neuropathways will change and these sensations will be forgotten.

Hope this helps.

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