need help with family issues

Suffering from OCD? Post your history, experience, comments and/or suggestions
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bob p
Posts: 137
Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 11:52 pm

need help with family issues

Post by bob p » Thu Dec 05, 2013 10:22 pm

hello i have 3 boys and 1 girl and a wife and most of the time i want to just go crazy! haha. really i want to be able to not go over the edge when i get upset with my wife or my kids. i feel like (now i draw a blank damn im good at that) i am either not respected or my opinion never counts. it drives me crazy. i do understand my wife does a lot like work cook clean take care of kids but i am right there doing the same thing. it is very frustrating because all i want to say in my head is i cant handle this, how am i going to be married to this forever and uh oh if i do get divorced that would be even harder. my wife never wants to talk it out with me. she is usually short and always huffing and puffing like she doesnt have the time to talk about us and how we need more time to connect and to start respecting each other more and working together with the kids more and not disrespecting the other (her more than me) in front of the kids. i feel she is sooooooooo overwhelmed, she doesnt think she can slow down because something might happen. she is a worry wart. any helpful advise to someone who wants to stay married (happily). thanks, bob

coachchris
Posts: 695
Joined: Wed Jun 06, 2012 2:34 pm

Re: need help with family issues

Post by coachchris » Sat Dec 07, 2013 7:09 pm

Hi Bob,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing. Your struggle is a common among families and couples. Taking care of each other and meeting each others' needs is really important. I have copied below two resources I use a lot in coaching. I know in my marriage when we exchanged our top 3 needs with each other and really committed to meeting those needs things started to turn around. The His Needs, Her Needs book details that process out. Do your best to under-react and yet be assertive. Commit to no yelling, no swearing, and try not to bring up past hurts or arguments. I would review lesson 4, 6 and 7:)

Hope this helps!
Coach Chris


http://www.amazon.com/Love-Respect-Desi ... 1594153205

http://www.amazon.com/His-Needs-Her-Wil ... 1386464046

lindabmac
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue Feb 21, 2012 8:40 pm

Re: need help with family issues

Post by lindabmac » Wed Jan 22, 2014 10:01 am

I am having a relationship problem with my sister. She and I are the only siblings in the family. Both of our parents have passed away. I try to avoid seeing her or having any kind of contact with her. Now, she is trying to make contact with me. We have been through a bitter time taking of our parents when they were alive. She disapproved of how I took care of our mother. She did quite a few things that I disapproved of during that time. So, we have gone through a hardship in our relationship . Now, she cannot do enough of her vinegar comments to me. Then, she expects me to pick up the telephone and set a date to have lunch with her. Yesterday on her email, she accused me of being a tease, or being a whiney brat, and being abjectly (whatever that means) stupid. Now, I cannot help but take that personally. I wish I knew which approach to take so I can forgive her for her negative remarks. I Need some Advice. I have your Program. I have listened to your tapes over and over again.
Chicadee

missgsr
Posts: 100
Joined: Mon Nov 03, 2008 11:30 am

Re: need help with family issues

Post by missgsr » Wed Oct 15, 2014 1:22 pm

Right now I live with my mother who has anxiety and depression too but she won't get help or even think of how to fix things (I know this is her coping mechanism) and every little thing I do or say, she takes it personally which, in turn, makes me feel guilty. I am an only child and my mom doesn't really have anyone so we have an incredibly disfunctional, tangled relationship and whether she will admit it or not, she is very emotionally dependent on me. This is hard for me because I have a hard enough time managing my own out of control emotions, depression, anxiety, anger, etc. The other day I was feeling suicidal, I even drove myself to the emergency room because I just couldn't cope. When I came home, she asked me if I talked to my therapist and I said I had talked to him that morning and he's the one who suggested I go to the hospital. She then asked why I couldn't talk to her about it (she's a huge part of the problem) to which I replied that I feel comfortable talking to him because he's a professional and knows how to fix mental stuff; we always just get into a fight about it and I'm not in a mental place to fight or feel the least bit guilty about my feelings right now. She replies,"Well I can't say that doesn't hurt." Even when I'm at my freekin' lowest, she's gotta get a little guilt jab in. The thing is, she loves me more than the air she breathes so I know she doesn't intentionally hurt me but whenever I bring up something hurtful she said to me, she just replies with, "God, I can't say ANYTHING to you without you analyzing the heck out of it. You analyze everything. I just won't talk to you anymore, ok?" I want to yell, "Yep, that's exactly what I was trying to get across, right?! That's exactly the message I was trying to give you, right?! Analyzing and thinking about problems is how you solve them! You can't progress or grow or move forward if you won't even think about doing anything to fix things that aren't working! Stop pushing your insecurity off on me!" It's exhausting.

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