I have struggled with anxiety and depression since I was in about 5th grade, I am 25 now. I had bad OCD also when I was younger. I had many rituals that I had to do and my mom didn't know what was happening. I would cry all the time and was terrified to see a therapist. I eventually made myself stop without any help, even though it was a very scary time. In grade school is when I realized I struggle with anxiety and depression too. Now i am able to function for a couple of months and then slide back into this scary, terrifying, dark place. I have tried many things to ease the pain of anxiety and depression, like therapists, doctors, medications, outpatient programs, and psychiatrists. I am having a hard spell right now. I feel hopeless and like a burden on my family. I do not have a job because of my depression and anxiety and it is very difficult for me to go places. I have tried holding jobs but eventually quit because of my depression. I am currently an assistant girl's high school basketball coach and my mother is the head coach. I am struggling with going to practices and I cry on game days because I'm afraid to go. If my mom wasn't there I would never have gotten this far into the basketball season.
I have been on medication since about 2013 and not one medication has ever stuck. As of a couple days ago I am trying no medication. I am having trouble eating and sleeping and I cry on and off throughout the whole day.
I currently live with my mother and my older sister and have a great support team. (sisters, mother, and grandma) If it wasn't for my family I don't think I would have made it this far. I am a VERY negative person with myself but the most caring person to others. Session 3 was very difficult for me and I really struggle with positive self-talk, self-compassion, and self-care. I am on the 5th session and feel like I am trying really hard but not getting the results that I want. I am scared that this is going to get worse and I will end up back in an outpatient program. I fight with myself all day trying to turn negative thoughts to positive ones. Hopefully, this forum will lift my spirits and give me the courage and strength to continue the program and be patient.
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