Did I Go Too Far?

Respect yourself enough to stand up for yourself; your feelings, concerns, and opinions and ask for what you want. Also, learn how to say “no” without feeling guilty
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Joined: Sat May 29, 2010 1:07 am

Post by Annkaycee » Fri May 28, 2010 6:20 pm

My aunt had a guy over to fix the lawn mower. The guy was rude right up front... he was yelling at my aunt and all. I didn't get involved at first because (aunt) she's a grown woman and she needs to stand up for herself. Then I went out to help him (lawnmower man) with some projects. He wasn't rude to me, because I told him right off, "If you get rude with me I am outta here." So he was actually pretty nice to me.

As soon as my aunt came back out he was rude to her again and again. I let it go for a while but finally I went out and said to him I didn't appreciate the way he was talking to her. She (aunt) told me she didn't need me to help her and actually got mad at me. I didn't cuss or get angry but he just didn't get it... here's the problem. Now I feel bad cos I got upset with the lawnmower man and she is upset with me for it. I guess I should have minded my own business but I hate seeing someone berated in front of me. Should I apologize to anyone here?

I am new to this assertive stuff and I have been a victim of abuse for many years. I do admit I tend to get overly defensive around rudeness and verbal abuse I am not quick to say anything but I can't just sit and take it anymore. How do I know if I go overboard?

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Post by ipoole » Thu Jun 24, 2010 12:34 pm

I think you were right in the fact that you told the man how you felt. That in itself is assertiveness. Don't beat yourself up because your aunt got angry with you. I think that as long as you didnt get noticeably angry and controlled your emotions when telling the man how you felt, then all is good.

Pat yourself on the back for letting someone know how you feel. Its much better than keeping your feelings bottled up.

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Post by cindylou » Fri Jul 02, 2010 4:30 pm

Good for you!!!

Perhaps your aunt has a problem with being assertive. Have you noticed this before?
She may have been -speculation here, bear with me -brought up to believe that she should avoid confrontation at all costs, even if that means letting others walk all over her and be rude to her. You stepping in was probably a surprise and also-----maybe, just maybe, your aunt may fear you will become more assertive with every situation, including with her. It's amazing that some family members really don't like change of any kind. Positive change also.

Try explaining, in a gentle way, that you were very uncomfortable with the way he was speaking to her and that you are working very hard to be more assertive. Not aggressive, assertive.

If that doesn't help, well -- she won't stay mad for a long time, right?
If she does, I can certainly understand why your assertiveness did not go over well.
Think about it.

Hugs. Smile. Let it go.

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